Expectations

When it's time for the first quarter to draw to a close, and grades come in, I get slammed with criticism and miscellaneous angry musings, from my parents. So what if I don't get all A's? I'd love to have a successful future where I'm making plenty of money, and that starts with A's and success in highschool, but the expectations of the people around me are starting to drag me down.

No one is perfect, and no one is a genius. But people are beginning to act like I should be a genius, and I should be perfect. Just what the hell, man? Are my standards for other people low as a person, or am I really more flawed than I could ever imagine? These expectations people have for me, I never use on other people though!

As a person, I consider you good-natured and would defend you no matter what; if you didn't openly abuse others. That's the only thing I ever care about when it comes to people. So what if someone doesn't help your 'image' or they aren't the most intelligent person on Earth? If someone has good intentions and they make it clear, there is nothing wrong with that person. There is no reason for you to not reach out to that person. There is no reason why that person should be rejected, hated, looked down upon, or absolutely ANYTHING like that.

Seriously speaking, yep, I'm shallow. Does any person exist who isn't shallow? I think not! To be 100% realistic with you, I don't accept every single person I meet. I'm beginning to improve on that and not make judgements; but accept and grace everyone with kindness. Even if they do not do the same for me.

If everyone could be convinced that everyone deserves that sort of respect and tolerance... I'm positive the amount of conflict we meet in every day life would barely matter at all. The amount of conflict would probably decrease too.

My mind's a cesspool of anger and rage right now from the bullshit though.

An Analysis: On Myself

Every day when it's nearing the end of English class and I note that the clock says "3:10," I am filled with dread. Wallowing in it. It's everywhere! Why don't I like my bus?

Conversation with people, communication, all of that just plain old isn't my forte. I would be beyond SCREWED [substitute with another word to get my true thoughts] if Kayla wasn't in my class, because I'm so damn afraid of people! Afraid to the point that talking to someone new, and even doing a simple task like posting on their wall on Facebooks, takes me days and sometimes weeks to gain the courage to do.

No, I don't expect people to like me. I know not everyone will like me. And in all honesty... I'm not at school to be popular or find true love or to have fun. I consider this building and everything to do with it, serious business. I've got Chris. As long as I keep my grades up and I've still got my Chris, life actually seems pretty good.

Because my main goal is to get out of Minnesota.
Away from the people who know me besides Chris; Maybe start out a new social life on a clean slate.

If someone bothers you, tell them. Yes, if everyone followed that philosophy, the world would rock. And yet it doesn't work out that way, and I've heard things that people have said about me before that I'd me more than happy to fix. I'd go out of my way to try to fix myself, for them, if it would make their sorry ass happy.

Yep.

My Poem

Hi Kayla. Here's my poem. Feel free to critique, if it is your heart's desire.

This bond so very fragile
Passion caked to create the walls.
Arms which are my sanctuary, my harbor
My place to belong, in your halls.

You look so tall, so majestic!
But could you handle the footsteps,
The pressure,
My dear sandcastle,
Of a reckless child running amuck?
The reckless child that is me.

And when these ferocious, biting waves
Of cold reality careen into us
You will lose your shape,
Collapse and fall.
You are my sandcastle; A destroyed one at that.

Poetry Analysis # 2: Thoughts Relating to Love

Here is a Love poem by the elusive Emily Dickinson, titled "22."

I gave myself to him,
And took himself for pay.
The solemn contract of a life
Was ratified this way
The value might disappoint,
Myself a poorer prove
Than this my purchaser suspect,
The daily own of Love
Depreciates the sight;
But, 'til the merchant buy,
Still fabled, in the isles of spice
The subtle cargoes lie.
At least, 'tis mutual risk,—
Some found it mutual gain;
Sweet debt of Life,
—each night to owe,
Insolvent, every noon.

Courtesy of: http://www.poetry.com/lovepoems/lovepoem.asp?id=67

I believe the theme in this poem at least, is that the author [Emily] is very devoted when it comes to love. Giving her entire self to him. And she's asking herself if she's good enough for this man, whoever he is, which she desires and love. She's asking why you want her when she's such an incredibly 'poor prove.' This peice also discusses how it's so easy to be lost in love, and to be submerged in it. Wallowing and infatuated with love itself, and your lover as well, by saying it 'depreciates your sight.' Few other things matter, but it's an idiotic bliss. An escape.

The author uses a metaphor in this peice and converys their theme of love being so easy to get lost in, by saying...
"The daily own of Love
Depreciates the sight;
But, 'til the merchant buy,
Still fabled, in the isles of spice
The subtle cargoes lie."
Like a person exploring the great lands of the new world like Christopher Columbus once did, love is vast and wide; It covers everything, and happens everywhere. Once you're done being lost and realize what you got out of the love, the great people you meet or the great things you do, it's a subtle but fantastic reward.